philolzophy:

Everyone’s life is hard. This seems obvious but for a long, long time I thought I was the only one. I thought the other girls in high school were losing their virginity on the the 50 yard line to the quarterback. I lost my virginity while I was blacked out, there was nothing special or romantic about it. I had to convince my best friend “I don’t think it was rape.” I am bad with money. I’m always late for work. I thought I was such a depress-case until one night I was freaking out to my likes-to-be-perfect mom and she told me that she struggles with a lot of the same things. I had no idea. None. So, if it helps a little bit, everyone’s life is a mess in private.

People who seem normal do awful things. It seemed like those awful stories you read about in Cosmo were perpetrated by nasty frat looking guys who normal girls like me would see a mile away. Not true. The guy who is close to his family has cheated on every girlfriend he’s had and got engaged to make himself feel better about turning 30. He cheats on his fiance in a button up at a social services job. He’s your boy next door.

It’s really hard to be a good person. In order to be a good person, you have to do good things like, almost all the time. This means that when the guy you think is kind of gross hits on you at a bar you don’t scrunch your face up and say “ew” and then tweet about it to try to make the guy you really like jealous. This seems like harmless behavoir, but it will eat your soul away.

All success isn’t the same success. Sometimes I feel really good about myself because a thing I write on Tumblr gets a lot of notes or I have a successful interaction with a boy I like or I have a one night stand with someone really sexy and fun that I don’t feel guilty about later. I spend the day with a manic smile on my face but then sometimes I realize that actually that doesn’t mean anything, and usually those successes come at the expense of success that matters, like slaving away at my dead-end job all day. You just got your X-thousandth Tumblr follower, congratulations, please come into my office to discuss your failures.

When I asked the other lolz doll what she wished she knew when she was younger she replied “I don’t know… I’m not even going to try.” So, you’re not alone Tumblr.

Touche, salesman.

Dear ****
Hi , I did find your profile from Internet, and then after reading it , I decided to write you, My name is: larry , I am working as Manager/owner of a service company , in Sugarland Texas ,I have large luxury Townhouse , in a good ,and safe area of west Houston Texas , it is overlooking , a ravin , and also is closed to a very large shopping mall , I am 5’11” with my shoes , and weight 185 lbs with my shoes ,and clothes on , I am caucasian , light skin, dark hairs , do not drink or smoke , no drugs ,or tatoos , I am always respectful toward others , especially , toward my subordinates ,and females , i am member of local Baptist church , I usually do not get mad easily , and easy to get along with , who likes to pet angry Rothwilder ?, and most of times I am a good natured person , I do beleive that I am one of the nicest g uys that God has ever made , , , I usually hold no grudge against anyone , have no criminal conviction , I go in, and out easy , I am in good health , exercise regularly , I have pet rabbit , with white pelt, my Hobbies are reading , Tv (national geography ,and discovery ,and History channels are my favorates), Jogging , listening to Rush Limbaugh , and Michael Savage ( a Right Winger .ultra conservitive), eating out , do it your self projects , traveling , ,my office no. is ———- 0000 .or ———— 3800 , , , call or e mail me with your ph. no., my e mail is :l******@talkmatch.com I am single and looking,for a personal Assitance , I have no children,but do love children , a child is a man,s imprint on the universe and make him to be extended beyond the grave,( if You have baby bring it on ,i will be having a ready made family ), I do want , and wish to meet you ,if you want to visit me and ,my place ,and H ouston I can arrange your visit , and , during your visit i plan to take you and show you around the Houston , this would be a Fact finding visit for you , no disrespectful intentions intended ,i am always respectful toward others , to see if you like to live here or not, , , , , , also there are lots of schools , tech school , universities in this area that , if you wish, you may continue your schooling, or if you wish to get job locally , unemployment rate in this Area is low , one of the lowest one in USA , ,i will help you on that too , ( photo avilable be glad to send ,just give me an E mail), 
Submitted Respectfully larry

How are you? How is your day so far? I’m coming to ******* to visit my friends and family for 10 days Nov 20th through Nov 30th. I was wondering if you like maybe we could go out for couple of drinks? By the way nice pics ;)

Bobby

All crazy all the time!

I’m busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

I’ve been on so many blind dates; I should get a free dog. 

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Now for the fun part:

1. What’s your favorite food? Give me three reasons why? 

2. If you were deserted on a beach, give me three emotions you’d feel. 

Delightful memories: leaving on Thursday and coming back on Monday with a tan … snowflakes at the top of the Empire State Building when it is still hot and humid in Houston … the beach … mountains… 

Bill

• Question: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET? - tumblrbot
• Answer:

  Pluto.  Wait, scratch that. 

Apparently, these appear with such frequency it makes folks at Match.com HQ go “Lol”

1)  ”I can’t believe I’m doing this”

2) “My friends made me do this”

3) “We’ll have to make a story about how we met”

4) “Tired of the bar scene”

“I’m going to be honest with you (since you seem so forthright in your profile) and I think you’ll be able to handle it. I’ve never written anyone on . I joined probably a year ago because I got stoned with my roommate and we decided it would be brilliant to put her very single, lonely dad on here but decided to do some market eval. first. I didn’t even realize that my “free trial” was over until today when I checked my ancient paypal account trying to see if I had confirmed an airline ticket. Anyway, long & the short of it, I had 327 notifications when I signed on. You happened to be the guy I clicked on to see what this situation was all about and I have to say you kind of seem like a dick. You’re pretty cute, and tall- which I know makes you more money and gets you more women, but your “about me” is ridiculous. You pretty much start off by talking shit about a weird little town that you’re unfortunate enough to live in, and then continue on to prey on both the intrinsically physical and emotional insecurities of women everywhere. Maybe you could rearrange your profile to boast YOUR (I see you’re a fan of inappropriate capitalization) OWN positive character rather than just rattle off a list of what every Westernized man wants in woman. Your profile reads more like an interview than an invite and if you’re actually trying to meet a respectable woman this way I would consider rewording your prose. Anyway, consider the aforementioned advice langiappe … good luck out there, & maybe give a woman a compliment once and a while.”